As most of you know I have been a Youtuber since 2006, and at one point was a regular uploader & considered myself as a relatively good one. I went to Youtube events, meet ups, even hosted regular meet ups of my own! But over the past few months, possibly even longer than that, I've found myself...just not interested anymore. I can't remember the last time I watched a vlog, or even a youtube video for that matter, outside of perhaps a film trailer, let alone actually sat down & created, filmed & edited one of my own. I actually have two ready to be edited on my computer, that I filmed months ago, but still, today, here they sit untended to, and with no intention of worrying about bothering. but why do I feel like this?
I wonder perhaps, if it is down to several reasons;
1. I am growing up.
I am 25 years old now & focusing on my 'real' life as opposed to my online life. I have a boyfriend, friends, a fairly ok (could be better) social life, I am seeking good employment & all in all, I'm the happiest I've been in years. I wonder if perhaps for a long time, Youtube was my escape, a way of me giving some kind of 'meaning' to my life, to keep myself busy so I wasn't sat around literally stuck in a rut doing nothing, left to my own thoughts, which usually lead me to stress, worry & overthink. Perhaps now I'm at a time in my life where I no longer need that escape because my own reality is either more important, or just better.
I also don't feel like Youtube is a viable life option for me anymore. I once thought perhaps I could end up with it being my career, like so many others I used to enjoy watching, but as you can see, that has not happened, even with being partnered (which isn't all its cracked up to be, I've had no help from them at all) & I feel now maybe my priorities have changed, I've "woken up" so to speak from this dream.
2. Youtube Has Changed.
Youtube is NOT the same place as when I started & loved making my videos, and in some ways, thats for the better, the quality of videos & the website has gotten better, & it is more accessible now than it has ever been, but with good, comes the bad as well.
Youtube has now become less about watching home videos that people enjoy watching & sharing content, and more about who has the best equipment, best software, and ultimately, who can get the most hits, likes and comments. Youtube has become this huge commercialised space where if you don't have a huge subscriber count, you may as well not exist, because in the youtube community, you basically don't. The community used to be about sharing our content, collaborating with each other, making new friends and having a space where you felt like you belonged. That is how it used to feel for me, now it is more about who can collaborate with whom to get a bigger subscriber count, and who can make the most money off of their video, whether thats just by views, or by paid sponsors placed into their videos, which so many Youtubers right now are doing a LOT.
In all honesty, I have felt so many times, that I don't see the point in making a video because I know it will not be anywhere close on par with some of these new videos, I don't have the money, or the equipment, or the sponsors to give me either of these things, to make my videos like that, nor in some ways do I want to, because I prefer these vlogs to be simple, like they're filmed by you, not a tv production crew, as so many seem to be these days. Youtubers have become everywhere now, they are no longer just online, they are on the radio, on television, even in books and movies, and I just feel they should stay where they are, in the youtube community as it was intended. If you want to be on the radio, tv etc then become that, dont label yourself as a youtuber anymore. (this is just my opinion, doesn't mean I'm right.)
3. A New Generation Of Youtubers
I can honestly 100% say I do not watch or subscribe to any of the "big" youtubers on the scene right now. Not one. Not out of spite, nor anything bad, but simply because their videos do not keep me interested. These videos are so different to the Youtubers I used to watch, and of course they will be because it is a completely new generation of teens (I was 16 when I started), I may only be 25 but even watching these new Youtubers (some of them are around my age as well) the atmosphere and they way they speak and what they speak about, just doesn't interest me. I come from the original generation of youtubers; CharlieIsSoCoolLike, Michael Aranda, Vlogbrothers, LittleRadge, SupRicky06, and so many more, and it saddens me to go to Youtube events such as Summer In The City and people don't even know who these fantastic people are? These are the people who made Youtube what it is, they made me part of who I am in some ways. The last few years I have attended Summer In The City, I could not name 90% of the people at the Meet & Greet stands until someone had told me who they are, and then I looked them up after the event, and I fear the same will be the case this year.
There could be many other reasons why I haven't felt the motivation to make videos anymore, but these are the ones I have thought the most about recently.
Now, this isn't to say I am quitting Youtube, my account is still live and shall stay that way, because I know at some point, I most likely will want to upload again, looking at my schedule, this will probably be at Summer In The City 2015, which I am, as always, attending because it is the one time of the year I get to see the friends I have made because of Youtube, the very people who have kept me on Youtube this long if I'm honest. Also, just because I am not posting videos, I am still VERY much alive on social media, so don't think I've disappeared, I wanna talk to everyone because I still believe in the Youtube community. I will post all my links below.
I hope one day that I will find the motivation to go back to uploading, but know that for now, it is not because I do not want to, but because I am happy, because my life feels the best it has in years and I am focusing on that, instead of youtube, which to me, doesn't seem so bad.
Thank You for taking the time to read this, and for watching my videos. I appreciate each and every one of you.